For the past month I have had an issue with motivation. It is hard to say if it is due to depression from losing my job, the stress of having to move and suddenly being thrust back into a massive amount of debt, or simply due to my screwed up head which seems to have left me lacking in this area from a very young age.
At first I was allowing myself a bit of reprieve from lifes responsibilities. Abandoning my apartment really sucked and will continue to suck for a long time to come (I have already started getting the debt collection calls about that, what fun.) I suppose that since I was already ignoring such basic responsibilities such as paying bills (due to the fact that I literally had no money to pay them) that I thought that I could let other things slide as well such as personal hygiene or human interaction.
When I think about it both of those things certainly do sound like depression, though I never really feel sad when I think about it. I just do not feel like putting in any effort into life.
So this week has been my quest to re-find my motivation. Unemployment does run out and I need to find a way to become self sustaining before that date comes. I go back in forth in my mind from finding some shitty Mcjob or trying to go into business for myself. Office jobs are likely available for me considering the type of job experience I gathered at my most recent post however I really do not know if I want to do that type of work again. For whatever reason I have a hard time forcing myself to be “sane” enough to work among other people in a quiet professional environment. The service industry has always suited me even if the pay is generally shit.
The road ahead forks into many different paths, all of which are now open to me as I am free from any shackles that bind most people. I just need to summon the courage to walk any of those routes. Away I go.