Let me, for a moment, attempt to explain my life as of late.
Imagine you are walking down a path and you seem to have a good idea where you are going, you even have a nice pack of food and supplies to help you along the way. Now imagine that the path under you suddenly falls away and you find yourself falling endlessly down a hole with no clear way to stop yourself. There is no footing to find, everywhere you reach or attempt to step is just more dirt that crumbles away as soon as you find it.
You find yourself spinning out of control, losing everything you carried with you as you fall. Somewhere in this fall you begin to figure out how to stabalize yourself a bit. You are not spinning out of control now, but you are still falling and the ground below you still continues to crumble away. Everytime you get hope that you may have finally found stable ground, it just seems to slip away.
That is, more or less, the position I have found myself in as of late. While I continue to do my best to remain optimistic I also have a hard time seeing a way out of this fall I find myself in. I may not be spinning completely out of control but I still have no stable ground to stand on.
I am not trying to be dramatic or get your sympathy. I just want people to understand where I am at. I am not a great person, I am hardly a good person and at times I don’t know if I can even call myself that. My greatest challenge of late is simply maintaining the shallow facade that maybe I can be stable again someday.
Or perhaps I am just overthinking everything, that would be par for the course in my life.
In any case, that is what was on my mind.