Along this Winding Road…

The book that started me on my path to greatness...

I have been meaning to update my site with a new blog post for a long time now. I haven’t written a blog post because I just could not think of anything witty or clever to write about.I thought about writing something angry again, something intended to just piss people off. However I just have not been that angry lately.  I need to write something though, I cannot just keep waiting for inspiration to find me.

So let me write once more about my life, and the winding road I find myself traveling down.

Last year was not a great year for Ian. I started the year dirt broke and working at Mcdonalds. At least when I worked at Mcdonalds I still lived in the Lansing apartment. Then summer hit and against all odds I actually got laid off from Mickey D’s. It was something completely unexpected and it came at the worst possible time. I was in the process of finding a new place to live and the sudden loss of income made my choices very limited. So I ended up moving in with my mom. I intended this to be a very temporary situation. It turns out my laziness was much stronger than my good intentions so I spent most of the rest of the year sitting alone in Olivet.

This ended up being mostly depressing for me and had a large impact on my self esteem. It was good to get close to my Mom and Step-dad again as well as to just have some time to relax, however every time I thought of my life living at home being jobless I would slightly hate myself on the inside.

Just writing about my life can be depressing, thankfully this story actually has a moderately happy ending.

Once winter fell things started to turn around for me quite drastically.  It started at RedditGifts.com of all places. This is a website where you can join a Secret Santa program with other fine folks across the internet. The site sorts everyone out and selects a random person to give you a gift and another random person who you must give a gift too.  Nobody sets any limits on how much can be spent, or not spent. It is all meant to be just good fun.

The person who I was selected to give a gift to was a gay man who used Reddit mostly for looking at “Bear” porn. At first I thought this was funny because back in my days as a gay man the bear community seemed to have a keen interest in the young and furry Ian. Then I started to realize I had no idea what to buy for this guy. I thought maybe he would appreciate some self pictures of me, but then I realized I was just being full of myself again. I didn’t know how I felt about buying a stranger actual porn and sending it to them through the mail. I wasn’t even sure if that was legal, though it would have been rather funny. Instead I waited to the last minute (like usual) and sent him an Amazon gift card. It was not creative but everyone can find something they like no Amazon.

I waited for a while for my package and when I received it in the mail I was quite excited indeed. It was like I was a Kid again, over time I had grown to know what to expect from my family and friends in terms of gifts but this was new. This was a stranger who did not know me personally but he knew more about me than most people probably ever could if he researched my Reddit profile closely enough.  So when that truck pulled up to the house and the driver got out with a box in his hand I was brimming with anticipation. I spent no time taking the package back to my room and promptly tearing the box open. Inside of it was an Amazon gift wrapped box. At this point I knew I had spent to much on the gift I sent out, the gift card I spent couldn’t buy a gift this large not to mention the additional cost for gift wrapping. No matter how much anticipation had built up what lied inside of that box still blew me away.

It was a Blue Snowball USB microphone. The person who sent me this gift had bought me the perfect gift. I had been podcasting for years but had always just used my cheap headset microphone. I had thought many times about upgrading to something that sounded better but I always opted instead to spend my money on things that seemed more important. This cycle would never have ended, and I might have never known what a good mic can do for my voice. Now, thanks to this stranger somewhere on the internet I would be able to get my voice out across the network in the clearest way it had ever been heard before. I was blown away. It was something I had always wanted that I never would have bought for myself. It filled me with a sense of goodwill I thought I would never feel again. This feeling is what prompted me to sign up on redditgifts.com to be a regifter, to buy some other new stranger who got nothing from their first match the gift they deserved (which is another story altogether, this post is about me.)

About a week after getting the amazing gift I had gotten an email from a local web hosting company which I had been applying to for a job. I had an interview scheduled for the day after my birthday. This did mean I could not be completely hungover that day but it also meant I might have a chance at a completely sweet job. The interview went well enough, I was completely nervous and thought I had screwed the entire thing up. They told me they would be in touch and I expected that meant I would not hear from them. The last time I had interviewed at this company they called me two weeks later to tell me I had not gotten the job. I figured it would take at least that long to hear from them and decided to go out to a movie with an old friend. Not even 3 hours later as I was walking into the movie theater my phone rang, I thought it was my brother calling at first since his name popped up on the screen so I answered in the most inappropriate way possible. Turns out it was the HR department at Liquid Web letting me know they had decided to hire me and that I would be started the next week. My brother works for the company so the corporate number was assigned to him in my phone, thankfully they said nothing about my strange greeting.

It was the day after my birthday, I was spending time with an old friend I had not seen in years, about to go do something I love and had just recieved some of the best news I had gotten in a long time. It didn’t even matter what movie I was about to see, I was going to enjoy the time I had that day. This was the start of something new for me, a chance to get out of the rut I had been in for so long. I could see the path ahead of me start to brighten up again. After years of jobs that would go nowhere and opportunities squandered I had this chance to prove I was worth a damn.

The next few months went by slowly. The job was going great, as I expected it would. I was able to buy a truck with the help of my Mom and I started having money coming in every week. Slowly my confidence was building, slowly I was starting to feel more like myself again. After almost 6 months of having gainful employment, and a ride, I decided to finally make the move to getting my own place to live. I must say my decision was guided by the fact that my little sister was moving back home. Not that I do not want to live with her but she was going to kick me out of the room I had been staying in which meant moving into the camper, something I did not want to do. I found a place fairly quickly and moved in that same week.

That leaves me where I am now, sitting here in my shiny new apartment writing a blog post that is long overdue. This is the first time in my life I have had my very own place. Sure I decided to bring on a roommate as well but the lease is in my name and I can actually afford to pay for it on my own. Not once in my life have I ever been completely self sufficient and it feels fucking fantastic.

Life is good, at least for now.

 

One Last Thing….

It has been a long time since I have sat down and wrote a blog post. I am not 100% certain that anybody reads the things that I write here, however I still feel like I am letting people down when I neglect to write. I certainly am letting myself down in the least.

My life has been.. interesting, as of late. Things have not been going as well as I would have liked them to have gone. To sum it up I am on shaky status with my current minimum-wage job, my lease is up at my apartment complex and I do not have anywhere else to move to yet, and my depression has hit an almost all time low. I still do my best to remain optimistic as ever, only to find myself just not thinking about the things that I need to get done and putting them off.  A hopeless feeling has surrounded me in my life.

As I will be most likely couch-hopping for maybe a month or two until I can afford to find a new apartment there may be even less Ian on the internet very soon. I am not sure if I am going to have access to a computer at all very soon other than library access or through a friend. So I will not be spending much time chatting, gaming, or reading the news. All of these things are very sad to me as these things are pretty much all my life has become lately. On the brighter side of that, those things are likely some of the things holding me back and not being able to do them may force me to get my life in order.

Just recently I applied for a job which would be almost like a dream job to me. I may not be as qualified for the position as they would like me to be but I am hoping that I am more qualified than the other applicants that I am competing with.  It would be splendid to make more than minimum-wage.

Since I haven’t pointed it out in a blog post or news update yet. You should all check out PaintComic.com I have updated the site quite a bit and added more comics. I still do not have the complete collection online again yet (I am actually ‘remastering’ them before putting them back up) however there is enough to enjoy.

Otherwise, I hope everyone out there on the good ol’ internet is having a better year than me and I will be back with you all soon!

A sigh of relief…

I slept immensely good last night, probably the first real good night of sleep I have had in a long time.

I don’t know the exact time it happened or how it came to be, but things have fallen back into place again. The chaos that surrounded my life for the past couple of months is gone and things are where they should be.

What I am trying to say is, I am no longer depressed.

I noticed yesterday while I was at work, instead of being a down in the dumps nerf herder I was actively social with my customers. I actually enjoyed interacting with them for the first time in a while. It was immediately obvious that something was different.

I think it has to do with a couple of things.

The election has brought a ton of hope to a lot of people. For the first time in recent history we have a cohesive government that can get things done without having to worry about party politics. I may not agree with the democrats on everything (most of the time they piss me off almost as much as the republicans) but having one so massively ahead of the other means that when somebody wants to pass a law or get something done, it will just happen. It is going to be a great time of change for America and I hope it is change for the best.

Also, things with Olivia seem to have finally gone back to normal. We are actually able to have fun again. It was a long road to go down and a shitty one at that but the sacrifice might finally be paying off. It is a good feeling.

Financially I am still a mess for the time being, fortunately for me I don’t really care all that much. I can see my short-term financial future and it is looking good. I have been learning to manage to live on about 40 dollars a week for food and bus money. By doing this I am going to be able to start putting about 200 dollars a week into my savings/bills fund. A fund which I only pay out about 500 a month from. So, 300 a month into savings? That is a very good thing. If I can just keep that up for about 6 months I will have the money to finally make things happen.

Yeah… not a lot else is new. Unless you all want to come out for Skory-oke tonight. 😀

Peace out.