Along this Winding Road…

The book that started me on my path to greatness...

I have been meaning to update my site with a new blog post for a long time now. I haven’t written a blog post because I just could not think of anything witty or clever to write about.I thought about writing something angry again, something intended to just piss people off. However I just have not been that angry lately.  I need to write something though, I cannot just keep waiting for inspiration to find me.

So let me write once more about my life, and the winding road I find myself traveling down.

Last year was not a great year for Ian. I started the year dirt broke and working at Mcdonalds. At least when I worked at Mcdonalds I still lived in the Lansing apartment. Then summer hit and against all odds I actually got laid off from Mickey D’s. It was something completely unexpected and it came at the worst possible time. I was in the process of finding a new place to live and the sudden loss of income made my choices very limited. So I ended up moving in with my mom. I intended this to be a very temporary situation. It turns out my laziness was much stronger than my good intentions so I spent most of the rest of the year sitting alone in Olivet.

This ended up being mostly depressing for me and had a large impact on my self esteem. It was good to get close to my Mom and Step-dad again as well as to just have some time to relax, however every time I thought of my life living at home being jobless I would slightly hate myself on the inside.

Just writing about my life can be depressing, thankfully this story actually has a moderately happy ending.

Once winter fell things started to turn around for me quite drastically.  It started at of all places. This is a website where you can join a Secret Santa program with other fine folks across the internet. The site sorts everyone out and selects a random person to give you a gift and another random person who you must give a gift too.  Nobody sets any limits on how much can be spent, or not spent. It is all meant to be just good fun.

The person who I was selected to give a gift to was a gay man who used Reddit mostly for looking at “Bear” porn. At first I thought this was funny because back in my days as a gay man the bear community seemed to have a keen interest in the young and furry Ian. Then I started to realize I had no idea what to buy for this guy. I thought maybe he would appreciate some self pictures of me, but then I realized I was just being full of myself again. I didn’t know how I felt about buying a stranger actual porn and sending it to them through the mail. I wasn’t even sure if that was legal, though it would have been rather funny. Instead I waited to the last minute (like usual) and sent him an Amazon gift card. It was not creative but everyone can find something they like no Amazon.

I waited for a while for my package and when I received it in the mail I was quite excited indeed. It was like I was a Kid again, over time I had grown to know what to expect from my family and friends in terms of gifts but this was new. This was a stranger who did not know me personally but he knew more about me than most people probably ever could if he researched my Reddit profile closely enough.  So when that truck pulled up to the house and the driver got out with a box in his hand I was brimming with anticipation. I spent no time taking the package back to my room and promptly tearing the box open. Inside of it was an Amazon gift wrapped box. At this point I knew I had spent to much on the gift I sent out, the gift card I spent couldn’t buy a gift this large not to mention the additional cost for gift wrapping. No matter how much anticipation had built up what lied inside of that box still blew me away.

It was a Blue Snowball USB microphone. The person who sent me this gift had bought me the perfect gift. I had been podcasting for years but had always just used my cheap headset microphone. I had thought many times about upgrading to something that sounded better but I always opted instead to spend my money on things that seemed more important. This cycle would never have ended, and I might have never known what a good mic can do for my voice. Now, thanks to this stranger somewhere on the internet I would be able to get my voice out across the network in the clearest way it had ever been heard before. I was blown away. It was something I had always wanted that I never would have bought for myself. It filled me with a sense of goodwill I thought I would never feel again. This feeling is what prompted me to sign up on to be a regifter, to buy some other new stranger who got nothing from their first match the gift they deserved (which is another story altogether, this post is about me.)

About a week after getting the amazing gift I had gotten an email from a local web hosting company which I had been applying to for a job. I had an interview scheduled for the day after my birthday. This did mean I could not be completely hungover that day but it also meant I might have a chance at a completely sweet job. The interview went well enough, I was completely nervous and thought I had screwed the entire thing up. They told me they would be in touch and I expected that meant I would not hear from them. The last time I had interviewed at this company they called me two weeks later to tell me I had not gotten the job. I figured it would take at least that long to hear from them and decided to go out to a movie with an old friend. Not even 3 hours later as I was walking into the movie theater my phone rang, I thought it was my brother calling at first since his name popped up on the screen so I answered in the most inappropriate way possible. Turns out it was the HR department at Liquid Web letting me know they had decided to hire me and that I would be started the next week. My brother works for the company so the corporate number was assigned to him in my phone, thankfully they said nothing about my strange greeting.

It was the day after my birthday, I was spending time with an old friend I had not seen in years, about to go do something I love and had just recieved some of the best news I had gotten in a long time. It didn’t even matter what movie I was about to see, I was going to enjoy the time I had that day. This was the start of something new for me, a chance to get out of the rut I had been in for so long. I could see the path ahead of me start to brighten up again. After years of jobs that would go nowhere and opportunities squandered I had this chance to prove I was worth a damn.

The next few months went by slowly. The job was going great, as I expected it would. I was able to buy a truck with the help of my Mom and I started having money coming in every week. Slowly my confidence was building, slowly I was starting to feel more like myself again. After almost 6 months of having gainful employment, and a ride, I decided to finally make the move to getting my own place to live. I must say my decision was guided by the fact that my little sister was moving back home. Not that I do not want to live with her but she was going to kick me out of the room I had been staying in which meant moving into the camper, something I did not want to do. I found a place fairly quickly and moved in that same week.

That leaves me where I am now, sitting here in my shiny new apartment writing a blog post that is long overdue. This is the first time in my life I have had my very own place. Sure I decided to bring on a roommate as well but the lease is in my name and I can actually afford to pay for it on my own. Not once in my life have I ever been completely self sufficient and it feels fucking fantastic.

Life is good, at least for now.


The Umbrella of Doom

Back when we used to make videos all the time, this little gem came into creation. We basically had a camera and dug through the back of Jesse’s car for other props and threw this puppy together. The original version which is lost to time itself had severe audio problems which is why there is now voiceovers.

Catch it on YouTube after the break…

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Last night I had a crazy dream.

Me and a few other people were supposed to check out a house for some reason. We were part of some sort of investigation but I am not sure on the details other than that.

You could tell that everybody thought this was going to be a boring job and it was treated as such. We looked around the house, took notes here and there. Then we moved to the basement.

The basement of this house was absolutely amazing. It was dark and grim. There were passages that led to even lower levels beneath the basement. Nobody expected to find something like this. We were excited to explore.

One of the fellow investigators was a woman and I had been working closely with her all night. We were trying to figure out what sort of stone the walls were made of when she felt something on her leg.

We both look down and see a splotch of blood on her left pant leg, the blood stood out very well due to the light color of her khaki pants.

The first reaction was that she had wounded herself somehow, but she felt no pain. It did not take more than a few seconds to find out where the blood actually had come from. Drops of blood started coming down from the ceiling. Looking up we could see that the entire ceiling was soaked in a redish tint.

Blood began to drip down everywhere. The walls themselves started to bleed. Like a chain reaction everywhere that we looked we could see a new source of blood pouring out. I was amazed. I stood and stared for a moment. I had never seen anything like this and it was wonderful. The others panicked, and rightfully so.

So we began to move out, we found an exit that led to the backyard of the house. The residents of the house were still there in the backyard having what appeared to be a family gathering. In an attempt not to shock them only two of us went out, to see if we could find anymore clues.

It was me and Nathan Fillion who went out into the backyard. For the most part everything seemed normal. That was until we found the tree. The tree was more towards the back of the yard. It looked like there was a half circle around the tree in the yard, set up so people could sit and view it. There was a wooden stage against the bottom of the tree. On the tree itself was the terrifying part. What appeared to be the shape of a human with outstretched arms was burned into the bark of the tree.

Beside us suddenly was a little girl.

“That is where we burn our dolls,” she says.

An eerie feeling creeps over us. These are not dolls being burned, they are people. This family is some sort of murdering band of psychopaths. Nathan Fillion grabs hold of me and we begin to move about the party. He has his arm locked with mine.

“Are we attempting to blend in as a gay couple'” I ask.

“Not at all, just go with with it for a minute,” he replies.

We are being stared at by everyone now and attempt to move back towards our group inside. Nathan is holding me in front of him, his arms around me. The feeling is both comfort and safety.

“Well thanks for keeping me safe at least,” I remark.

“Its not what you think,” he replies “I am just trying to protect myself, can’t expect to get out of here alive without you leader.”

I realize that I am being used as a human shield and feel a bit less safe and comforted. I also realize this is the exact response I would have expected from him. (No doubt due to the characters he plays on TV)

We try again to move back toward the house. Before we get there we are attacked. Nathan is killed just like he thought he would be. Myself and the rest of our group are taken prisoner.

The dream gets kind of hazy here. The rest consists of trying escape the madmen.

I guess the part that is most interesting to me is, that I was not scared during this dream, instead I found it to be exciting and a little bit funny at times. What does that mean?