Melting Down

Dreams for me seem to always uncover the underlying issues that I try so hard to avoid in my day to day life. Last night was no different as I found myself in a complete mental breakdown in the middle of a dream.

It is no surprise to me that I would have a dream like this but it may mark the first time I can remember crying uncontrollably in a dream.

The best way I can classify my experience last night would be “anxiety nightmare”. I am always battling my own anxiety and for the most part I have it under control. The issue of course being that the more I try to control it the harder I melt down when I lose control. Usually people say it is best to attack the underlying issues of your anxiety instead of just pushing it down into your sub-conscious but unfortunately there is really not much I can do about my life situation as of late other than power through and hope that I can last until things start to improve.

In the dream I was moving from my current residence, something that will be happening in real life in about a week or two. While moving I came back to the apartment to find that I had somehow left one of the cats alone for two days without feeding her. She was sick and clearly not doing well. Being that my cats are the only creatures that I have any genuine feelings for this hit me pretty hard. As the cat food had already been moved and I do not own a vehicle my first instinct was to try to reach out to my friends Kim and Jon to help me get some cat food to her as quickly as possible. Unfortunately being a dream my phone was not quite working as expected. I was trying to open Facebook messenger as that is usually the quickest way to get a hold of people in my life but I could not get to the home screen on the phone to launch the app. Every time I hit the “home” button it just closed the app it was in only to bring me to some other random app that was open underneath it. I furiously tried just hitting it over and over again only for the home screen to never appear. This is when I snapped.

I simply broke down (in the dream) and started bawling. It was all the anxieties of my mind manifest and I could not take it. I cried for what seemed like hours in the dream before waking up to realize we had not moved yet. I could not get back to sleep as my mind could not stop thinking about what had happened. I have been feeling a need to let loose emotionally lately but have been unable to do so while awake. In a way this dream may have provided the release my mind so desperately craved. However at the same time it made me face some of the troubles that I have been trying so hard to bury within my mind.

Life is not exactly great at the moment, I will not lie and try to say that it is. I am alive and I do have food and shelter so it is not as bad as it could be. However with my third move in under 6 months coming up here soon it is clear I am starting to lose control over my anxiety a bit. While parts of me are excited about moving (having a bed to sleep on again will be really really nice) most of me is dreading it completely.

All I can do is keep hanging on. I may not be getting anything that I want out of life but that is just how things have to be right now. It may take me years to be back to a point where I feel comfortable again in my life but those are years I have to face. There is nobody I can blame for my situation but myself and as such I have to keep pushing forward. Someday I will have a place to live again where I feel like I am at home, it may take a lot of hard work to get back to that but it will be worth it in the end.

For now I just have to focus on getting through the day without really getting any sleep, wish me luck!

Green Glasses Weekly – Episode 9 – The End

Hello all,

This week we explore the end of the world and how we all feel about being dead and tortured in hell right now.

Enjoy my excessive ranting about religion, cults and alien invasions while Jon cringes in horror at the apocalypse we now both inhabit.

Also, check out this list of end of the world themed songs to go along with our pointless jabber.

Song Selections;

Johnny Cash ‘When the Man Comes Around’

R.E.M. ‘It’s the End of the World as We Know It’

The Doors ‘The End’

 

Green Glasses Weekly – Episode 8 – Bag End

This week on the podcast Jon joins me once again for another delicious piece of ear candy.

We discuss how to troll people using Google Docs, the new release of the Hobbit movie and a terrific new movie going experience.

Please do not mind our overall lack of focus, we do have fun when we record these and this does lend to a bit of random nonsense.
Of course we have songs as well, like usual.

The Hobbit: Official Movie Site | IMDB | Wikipedia

Song Selections:

‘Where In This World’  by The Notwist
From the Album The Devil, You + Me
Band Site | Buy Album

‘Get Confused’ by Fisherspooner
From the Album Odyssey
Band Site | Buy Album

‘All the Little Pieces’ by Louis XIV
From the Album The Best Little Secrets are Kept 
Band Site | Buy Album

FLAC Version of this podcast can be found here.

Green Glasses Weekly – Episode 7 – Live Long and Prosper

Hello Again!

Here we are once again with another brilliant podcast. This week Jon joins us as the official unofficial co-host.

This week we discuss the upcoming movies Star Trek Into Darkness and The Hobbit as well the state of scientific documentaries on cable television.

Of course we also selected some music for the occasion.

Featured Tracks;

Nobuo Uematsu – ‘Prelude’
  – Final Fantasy VII Soundtrack
More Info | Purchase Album

Leonard Nimoy – ‘The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins’
– Space Odyssey
More Info |

The Vines – ‘Paint it Black’
– Highly Evolved
More Info | Buy Album

Green Glasses Weekly – Episode 6 – Podcast 2012

A picture of a dog and a troll

(Also available in beautiful lossless FLAC!)

We are back again with another stellar episode of Green Glasses Weekly.
Can you believe it has been only one short year since we had this chance to get together and enjoy great music while hearing a guy ramble on about pointless things?

This week I discuss the past and future of Green Glasses Weekly as well as give you my views on the already pretty old Nintendo 3DS. It is not an episode to miss!

Oh, and there is music of course. Hand picked by the greatest song selector on earth, Ian.

Don’t Forget to Subscribe to this Podcast!

Featured Tracks;

Tycho “Ascension”
– From the Album ‘Dive
Bands Site | Buy the Album

The Knife “Marble House”
– From the Album  ‘Silent Shout
Bands Site | Buy the Album

Beats Antique “Skeleton Key”
– From the Album ‘Contraption Vol. II
Bands Site | Buy the Album

The Umbrella of Doom

Back when we used to make videos all the time, this little gem came into creation. We basically had a camera and dug through the back of Jesse’s car for other props and threw this puppy together. The original version which is lost to time itself had severe audio problems which is why there is now voiceovers.

Catch it on YouTube after the break…

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Green Glasses Weekly – Episode 3 – Unstable Political Mines

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Hello Hello again good world! We have another brilliant podcast for you to massage your ears with this week. This time around we fiddled with the format a little, increased the bitrate and stereo-ized the whole production so it will be like an orgasm for your mind!

If you want a summary of what you will be hearing check out the song selections below. We also talked a bit about an epic independent game called Minecraft that has been rocking our collective world lately as well as some serious government-shit that has been pissing us off. We allowed you fine folks to comment on our question of the week and even went so far as to read your responses on the show, so keep an eye out for that.

Question of the Week:
With all of the crazy budget cuts going on over in Wisconsin these days and similar budget cuts being proposed by Michigan’s own Governor Synder, how do you feel about education funds dropping and teachers salaries being cut? Is sacrificing the schools worth balancing the budget?

http://www.minecraft.net/ – Where to go to buy and play the most excellent independent game, Minecraft!
http://www.minecraftwiki.net/ – The best place to figure out how to play Minecraft. Tutorials, Crafting Recipes and Descriptions of everything you will find in your new blocky land.
The Daily Show for March 03, 2011 – The inspiration for our epic question of the week.
Upgrading from MSDOS 5.0 to Windows 7 –  A pretty awesome video about Microsoft’s amazing backwards compatibility throughout the years.

This Weeks Song Selections:

1.) “Courtship Date” by Crystal Castles from their Self Titled Album
http://crystalcastles.com/

2.) “Try it Again” by Mark Spurlock from Creepers Gotta Creep
http://www.squidrock.com/creeper/

3.) “1724” by Sohodolls from Ribbed Music for the Numb Generation
http://www.last.fm/music/Sohodolls

 

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Green Glasses Weekly – Episode 2 – Ganon FTW

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Alright, second podcast in the bag! It’s a good feeling and only 8 weeks too late!

Yeah, I completely meant for this to be a weekly podcast. I failed in every sense of the word. However we are back for round two and with new determination to boot! This week I am joined by my good friend Jon Brandt. Jon has been a friend of mine for a long time now and it was great to be able to get him to throw his opinions in for this one. Seemed so much less lonely.

In this episode we talk about the future of GGP a bit, and look back a little about the past. I implore you all to watch the show Fringe. Then we talked Fallout for a while and had a nice conversation about who would win a battle, Ganon or Bowser, thanks to our call in guest Cameron Bulock!

Don’t forget about the songs you can enjoy while listening, check out this weeks playlist.

Twilight Omens – Franz Ferdinand

The Last Man in Space – Violet Sedan Chair

The Origin of Love – Hedwig and the Angry Inch

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The Most Terrifying Shed Ever…

So I said I was going to do it and I was not kidding.

This photo is of my little sister Teddy as she is about to walk in to the shed. I was at my Mom’s house I am thinking sometime in the summer. My two friends Joe and Jon Brandt were both with us as well. For some reason my mom thought we should show them the camper that we have in the Shed being stored. We didn’t have a flashlight at the time and it was very dark out. I was using my camera’s flash to light the way. Somehow the entire event was very creepy. None of us wanted to go into the shed in the dark, I have always been a little afraid of the dark and that shed at night is a pretty scary place. In the end it turned out to be sort of a daring contest trying to get each other to go in first. Teddy was obviously the one who manned up and went in.

That is the story how I remember it. It could be totally wrong, but I think that is just about how it went.

My day…

I had an ok day today. Nothing too interesting happened. We had a cool sub in Econ. Other than that, school was pretty normal.

After school I was planning on having a few people over to watch a movie, but the only people able to make it were Kat and Jon. It was fun. Jon had to go home at about five, and Kat ended up staying for dinner.

Every time I hang out with Kat now, it seems incredibly awkward. For me at least. I don’t know about her, but I just get certain memories and then my mind gets all googly. I hope this doesn’t last forever, especially now that I have my mind set on someone else. Oh well…

Anyways, not much else happened today. I got a nice hefty paycheck for once. Which was definitely nice.

Peace Out. Home Googles!