Dream….

So I woke up this morning to my ever more annoying alarm clock after having a short but interesting dream.

The dream featured myself and one of my close friends, a friend who I will not name at this time.

We had just got done going on what was apparently a fantastic date. Spirits were high, laughter was in the air. We began walking into this tunnel, a tunnel which actually looks a lot like the one under the parking garage of the Ramada hotel here in Lansing.

I hate describing dreams sometime because for me dreams are a mostly emotional affair, something that I am not the greatest at putting to words.

That being said this next part was mostly a feeling.

So there we are in this tunnel, we turn to face each other and say good-bye. I give her a hug, both of us are smiling. I don’t let go right away and she follows suit. There is something all together comforting about being in her arms. After a moment we bothb laugh at our extra long hug and say our farewells.

But we don’t walk away. We try to walk away, even turning a bit and taking that first step. We stop, howeever, turning back towards each other, catching each others eyes.

A step closer again, eyes locked. The feeling is inside both of us, I can feel my heart race as I move in to kiss her. For a split second it is one of the most romantic moments I have ever had.

The kiss is a llittle more than a peck but a little less than a kiss of the french variety. Like the hug it lasts a bit longer than it should. Unlike the hug this kiss is not met with a desire for more.

In fact the kiss itself is incredibly awkward. The emotion that led up to it is almost completely dissolved as soon as our lips met.

We give each other strange looks and half smiles. Say our good byes one more time and both do a desperate stumble in opposite directions. My alarm goes off. I am awake.

I found this dream rather interesting because of how it ended. I have always been curious about my feelings for the individual in question and I feel like this dream cleared up some confusion for me. The anti-climatic ending reassured me that even though I may feel love in a romantic sense towards my friends from time to time. Action on said love will inevitably lead to failure.

It was a good dream, I love how my mind works…

The New Year…

…so far has been a little strange.

I had a brief stint this week with trying to reconcile things with my old friend Drew which turned out to be less than sucessful. I suppose it was just not meant to be.

I am not entirely sure if I had mentioned it before but I recently was forced to move rather quickly and have ended up renting another room in a house, this time out in Okemos.

I don’t plan on staying here forever but it will probably be a while now before I have the chance to finally find my own place.

Financially my life is more depressing than ever I am currently payin about 200 a week in rent. A price my paychecks can barely cover. It is a temporary payment amount until my security deposit is paid off but it has made my life incredibly stressful.

Things could be going better between Olivia and I. While I would say we are still very much in love, emotionally the trip has been chaotic as of late. I am hoping things change soon but all I can really do is wait, I have done everything else in my power to make it better and now the ball is in her court.

On the brighter side of things I have been eating healthier lately and can already see the benefits of such in my body. Fitting into a size 36 pant has now become possible and my energy levels are gradually increasing to a less comatose place.

Otherwise nothing is new, peace out!

A sigh of relief…

I slept immensely good last night, probably the first real good night of sleep I have had in a long time.

I don’t know the exact time it happened or how it came to be, but things have fallen back into place again. The chaos that surrounded my life for the past couple of months is gone and things are where they should be.

What I am trying to say is, I am no longer depressed.

I noticed yesterday while I was at work, instead of being a down in the dumps nerf herder I was actively social with my customers. I actually enjoyed interacting with them for the first time in a while. It was immediately obvious that something was different.

I think it has to do with a couple of things.

The election has brought a ton of hope to a lot of people. For the first time in recent history we have a cohesive government that can get things done without having to worry about party politics. I may not agree with the democrats on everything (most of the time they piss me off almost as much as the republicans) but having one so massively ahead of the other means that when somebody wants to pass a law or get something done, it will just happen. It is going to be a great time of change for America and I hope it is change for the best.

Also, things with Olivia seem to have finally gone back to normal. We are actually able to have fun again. It was a long road to go down and a shitty one at that but the sacrifice might finally be paying off. It is a good feeling.

Financially I am still a mess for the time being, fortunately for me I don’t really care all that much. I can see my short-term financial future and it is looking good. I have been learning to manage to live on about 40 dollars a week for food and bus money. By doing this I am going to be able to start putting about 200 dollars a week into my savings/bills fund. A fund which I only pay out about 500 a month from. So, 300 a month into savings? That is a very good thing. If I can just keep that up for about 6 months I will have the money to finally make things happen.

Yeah… not a lot else is new. Unless you all want to come out for Skory-oke tonight. 😀

Peace out.

Happy Halloween

I am pretty sick, it sucks. I am pretty sure this is the first stage to my eventual decline into full zombie-nitis. In any case, my sinus’ have cleared up and now I am loosing my voice/coughing up a massive amount of flem. w00t!

But how is my life lately? Pretty good.

Olivia is now officially living with us, which is good and bad all at once. Good in the fact that I get to see her a lot and cuddle with her every night when i drift off to sleep. Bad in the way that I now have absolutely zero personal space in my life.

Work has been going fine, I think I am going to keep my job for a little while at least. Tami and Doug have been fighting like ex-lovers lately and I feel like the bastard child stuck in-between.

The film selection committee for the East Lansing Film Festival has been going good, I reviewed my first batch and picked up 10 more. There are a lot of duds being filtered out but I think we are going to have a good show this year. I love the film festival.

Hmmm… what else. I don’t know, I just woke up. I will post something else later perhaps. Off to cough up a lung, away!

It is done…

Well, last night was it, Kat officially broke up with me.

I guess I can’t remember a time when I was more sad, but it is all for the better.

You see, Kat is a good person. She may have never actually loved me, but at least she cared enough not to let me know that. She may have told a lot of lies. Some very hurtful. But no matter how many she told, in her own way she thought she was doing something for the better.

So I suppose I should give her my blessing. Because if she truly loves David, which she must (even though she says she does not.) Then she will make him very happy. Because she is someone who will stick with you through thick or thin, just as long as you don’t bore her.

At first I was very upset, as I naturally should have been. But I understand now why it would have never worked. Kat is not old enough to understand love. She has never been in love before and it is doubtfull to me that she will be for some time. I guess I was just the idiot who got too attached and fell for somebody I did not have a chance with.

Kat and I are on good terms now, we are still good friends, I still plan on staying at her house tommorow, and will most likely still be going to homecoming with her this weekend. So, alls well that ends well right?

My day…

I had an ok day today. Nothing too interesting happened. We had a cool sub in Econ. Other than that, school was pretty normal.

After school I was planning on having a few people over to watch a movie, but the only people able to make it were Kat and Jon. It was fun. Jon had to go home at about five, and Kat ended up staying for dinner.

Every time I hang out with Kat now, it seems incredibly awkward. For me at least. I don’t know about her, but I just get certain memories and then my mind gets all googly. I hope this doesn’t last forever, especially now that I have my mind set on someone else. Oh well…

Anyways, not much else happened today. I got a nice hefty paycheck for once. Which was definitely nice.

Peace Out. Home Googles!