Brain Bad! Sleep Good?

Unlike many people I know I have no issues at all falling asleep at night.

While common sense would dictate this is due to mostly biological reasons I found myself pondering tonight the neurological reasons behind this. More specifically my perspective on the neurological reasons based on my own understandings of the science and my own understanding of myself. (In better words, read this at your own risk, I am an expert in neither neurological science nor myself.)

First off, I may not have a very typical brain. Which is, probably, fairly typical for most people to believe. That being said, I do think there is something.. off.. about how my brain works compared to what I have been conditioned to know as “typical”.

My entire life I have experienced “shocks”. I do not know how else to describe this feeling. It simply feels like every electrical switch in my body is being triggered all at once. The feeling starts inside my brain and blinds my senses from within before washing over my entire body with electrical stimulus. It does not hurt, nor does it ever last any longer than it would take for an electron to signal a nervous response across your body. (Basically no time at all.) Overall the entire thing feels most closely like a wave of static electricity that bursts from within my head and spreads throughout every nerve in my body, never jarring enough to entice an outward physical response but at the same time being completely overwhelming for me internally.

 

It is a feeling I have never been able to contain, nor control. Yet at the same time it has never been something that has given me any cause for serious alarm as the symptoms are almost pleasurable, if but for that precise moment.

 

It is a whole body catharsis that happens in an instant and is gone before you have any trouble with it at all.

 

So.. that is a lot of preface… I guess I meandered there for a bit but I thought having a longer explanation of that in writing may have been good for me. In any case I do not seem to be the only person I know who has experienced this as both my mother and brother have reported similar experiences in the past. Most likely this is some sort of genetic neurological disorder that I am neither qualified nor able to diagnosis. Either way, it is a part of who I am.

But how does this relate to sleep?

Damn… sometimes I start typing but have no idea where I may end up.

I guess my initial point was going to be something along the lines of…

My brain seems to be extra active almost all of the time. Whether this is holding multiple conversations with multiple facets of my own personality with myself in my head at all times, or it be just rambling into incoherent spaces of non-linear thinking, or just imagining worlds and storylines that only I will ever see or know… there is always an unbelievable amount of non-sense going in in my head at any given moment. I really cannot ever honestly keep up with myself sometimes. I am not trying to say that having an active mind is necessarily a good thing, I am actually starting to wonder if it is the sign of pending mental anguish. (mental health does seem to go pretty quick in my family, and I think I read somewhere once that people with active minds tend to go all dementia/Alzheimer’s quicker than most, which is fitting with family history..)

Actually, once again I am not sure I know my point with this whole thing. Right, back to basics.

Strange neurological symptoms may help explain constantly active mind which may then in turn explain sleep.

There I was… sleep. I keep losing track of what I was thinking of. Actually I never quite lost track of it, it was just fading into the background noise of the countless other threads of mental processing happening in my chaos pool I call home (my brain.)

The moral of this story is this.

I exert myself physically much less than almost any other person I know. Yet, I fall asleep much easier than almost any other person I know. Even if these people exert themselves physically to the point of utter exhaustion I can always fall asleep easier and more quickly than most.

I don’t think that my ability to fall asleep has any relation whatsoever to how tired I am. I am starting to think that my philosophy on sleep may just be different.

Over my life I have heard many people tell me how they long to sleep easy at night and stay asleep for an entire night.

I long for the opposite. I long for enough time awake to finish all the things I am thinking about. Only the things I am thinking about (much like this story) never seem to end. Instead I spend all of my time fighting to cling to consciousness. My mind only ever succumbing to sleep after it is battered down, defenseless, and ready to submit to it.

Which, with a mind like mind, is almost always.

So from this weary traveler to you dear reader, thanks for sticking around. 🙂

The Five O’ Clock Shadow

I am not writing this blog post about anything, but I am writing it.

Around 5PM every day my mind starts to drift. For most people this time of the day means finally leaving a long day of work, or perhaps starting a long night at the bar. For me 5PM means I have stayed awake much longer than I rightfully should if I would like to get a decent amount of hours of sleep before waking up and trudging off to work. I am a night person now so I get this strange wistful feeling this time of the when the sun is shining bright but my mind is telling me to sleep. It is a strange mix of signals that results in a rather brain dead state for me. Even as I am typing this now I have no idea what I am really saying, I am merely inputting the random mix of words that are appearing in my head.

Like I had stated previously this blog post is not really about anything. Just a passing thought that came into my head just as I sat down at my desk. I think it is time to sleep now, good night world. Have sweet dreams and merry nightmares!

Dreamworld…

I love when I oversleep. I seem to have the best lucid dreams when I am on the most amount of sleep.

To be honest, I almost wish I could just always be sleeping. The dreamworld is always more exciting and fun than the real world. Even when it is a nightmare world it is still a lot more interesting.

In my dreams I am always on some sort of adventure, I always end up being the hero and I see things that amaze me everyday. It really sucks to have to wake up from that and go live my normal boring life. The world in my head is so much better than this place, I wish I could just go and live there.

Yes, this makes me sound like a little child wanting to run away to a fantasy land. But who really loves there life anyway? I love some of the creative things I get to work on here and I love being different than any other person I know in an awesome way. But that is all just love for the things that I do. I can’t really say there is much here to make me want to stay if I had a choice.

I came to this realization lately. I really don’t like people at all, and I hate being around them. If I could just be alone all the time I think that would be preferable. I always feel like I am making friends and struggling to keep them just so people will look at me and think that I am normal. I always say I don’t care what people think but obviously I do because I put myself in situations everyday that I don’t want to be in just to make people think I am a well balanced human being.

What is so wrong with just being alone, I don’t trust anyone more than I trust myself. I am the only person that really understands me and I don’t seem to understand anyone else at all.

Fucking a, to work I go.